UNC Loses Very Important Game

Blacksburg--The North Carolina Tar Heels lost 17-17 to the Virginia Tech Hokies last night after Casey Barth missed a field goal from, oh, I don't know, maybe 15-20 yards out. The loss drops the Tar Heels to 0-53 in the ACC this season. After the game, a forlorn Butch Davis gave a press conference during which he ate his visor.

College Bust Dreams of Busting in NFL

ESPN, Penthouse Merge to Offer Sexual Fantasy Football

Brett Favre Switches Team, Position Mid-Game

Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre shocked attendees at the recent Steelers-Vikings game by abruptly joining the Steelers halfway through the third quarter. Both teams were further confused when Favre, a 17-year NFL veteran, began playing cornerback rather than his usual position. By the game's conclusion, Favre had also changed his jersey number to 17, his first name to Bert, and his sport to baseball.

New Bill Simmons Column

PATRIOTS RED SOX CELTICS CELTICS CELTICS ARTEST TEEN WOLF LAKERS CELTICS CELTICS PATRIOTS MCDANIELS EWING THEORY BOOBS RED SOX BELICHICK CELTICS PATRIOTS BOOGIE NIGHTS DURANT LEBRON LEBRON KOBE PATRIOTS BRADY FART VEGAS RED SOX YANKEES SCARFACE YANKEES BELICHICK MADDEN GAMBLING LARRY BIRD LARRY BIRD LARRY BIRD.

Memphis Grizzlies Sleep In, Miss First NBA Game

Joba Chamberlain Enraged After Baseball Game Pre-empts "House"

New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain was reportedly infuriated to find that the popular medical drama "House" had been pre-empted by the first game of the World Series. An irate Chamberlain declared that he "Cannot wait for baseball season to be over; I'm sick of these damn games messing up my TV-watching schedule."

New Rick Reilly Column

Brett Favre is so old, he doesn't telegraph bad passes--he sends them by carrier pigeon! WHAAAAAAAAT?

JaMarcus Russell is so bad, Ebert gave him two thumbs down! Way down! WHAAAAAAAT?

I once met a famous sports figure and he told me something wacky! WHAAAAAAAAT?